8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
