I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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