Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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