Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
