he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
