oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
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