Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
