Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
