why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
