I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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