After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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