I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
two words: eviction party
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
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And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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