so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
