My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
