Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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