fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
