I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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