I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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