My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
