you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
