there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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