the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
420 ftw
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
