ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
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I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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