You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
