This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
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Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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