i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
