it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
