I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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