I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
