whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
