My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
