I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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