false alarm. still invincible.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
As shirtless as possible
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
