I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
