he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You are a genius and a whore.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
