why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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