My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I supernannyed him into submission
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
