Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
