Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
