Where are you?
In a non slutty way
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
