Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.

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(512): View more from Texas

we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text

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(217): View more from Illinois

so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it

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(951): View more from California

His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format

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(315): View more from New York

hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.

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(330): View more from Ohio

White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Can you repeat that, but with context?

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(720): View more from Colorado

when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.

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