so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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