dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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