I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
