Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
