If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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