so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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