when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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