it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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