i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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