I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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