At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
