just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
