At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
