when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
