I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
