we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
