it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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