Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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