You smell like a Billy Joel song
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
