My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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