i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
