I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
vagina is talking i cant
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
