everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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