Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
