So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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