Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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