physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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