thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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