On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
