Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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