I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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