out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
