It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just high enough for therapy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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