she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
