my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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