The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What a dumb baby whore.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
