You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
