i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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