Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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