If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You are the jesus of drinking
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
