All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
