i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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